Waiter leaves good tips for diners

(Charlotte Observer)

Colleen Nance, bartender, manager, and waitress, Cactus Ya Ya, Vancouver (Courtesy of Colleen Nance)

Michele DeBoer-VerValen, owner, Jitterbug Coffee Shop and Deli, Vancouver (Mary Ann Albright/The Columbian)

Aaron Dutson, head server, Battle Ground City Grill, Battle Ground (Courtesy of Aaron Dutson)

After a stint in seminary school and jobs in the mental health field, Steve Dublanica waited his first table at age 31. He quickly learned that some customers are more high maintenance than others.

“Eighty percent of customers are nice people, but 20 percent are the loonies who think they can get whatever they want whenever they want it,” Dublanica said in a recent telephone interview from his home in the New York metropolitan area.

He started the popular Web site WaiterRant.net in 2004, anonymously chronicling the highs and lows of life at “The Bistro,” the unnamed Tuscan eatery where he worked until the fall of 2006. It was then that he started writing a book, “Waiter Rant: Thanks for the Tip — Confessions of a Cynical Waiter.”

The book cryptically is attributed to “The Waiter,” and Dublanica went on radio shows using that persona to publicize his book and Web site. But as the book gathered attention, and television stations and journalists came calling, it was time to give The Waiter a face and a name.

“I couldn’t put a bag over my head” when appearing on “The Today Show” and “Good Morning America Now,” Dublanica said.

Doing this meant an end to his career as a server, but the timing seemed right.

“Waiting tables had really run its course for me. I was at a point where I could make that transition. Also, I didn’t want publicity when the book came out to affect the restaurant I was working at,” he said.

“Waiter Rant” offers glimpses into the bad behavior of customers and restaurant staff, as well as some sweet moments of kindness, generosity and grace.

Some images, such as disgruntled cooks and servers playing “floor hockey” with a burger or spitting into fettucine Alfredo, might make people think twice about dining out, but the stories also help remind patrons that the people waiting on them and cooking their food deserve respect.

And the same goes for customers, who also should be treated well, Dublanica noted.
“You can boil this whole book down to ‘Don’t be a jerk,’ ” he said.

The book is full of tips on what to do and what not to do when dining out. The Columbian recently asked Dublanica to offer guidance on navigating the restaurant scene. Here’s what he had to say, edited for space and clarity.

You caution people against eating out on New Year’s Eve, Valentine’s Day, Mother’s Day and Saturday nights in general. The high volume of customers leads to poor service and quality and smaller portions, you note in your book. Is there any way around this? Any tips on how to have a nice, romantic Valentine’s Day dinner out?

I don’t think so. If you want to have a nice, romantic Valentine’s Day dinner, have the boyfriend or the husband cook it. It’s a tough night because it’s so crowded. Only go out if you know the restaurant well, have a relationship with the owner or people who work there and make reservations well in advance. And you’ve got to lower your expectations, too. My girlfriend and I, we don’t go out on Valentine’s Day. We’ll go out the night before or a couple nights after.

Any particular foods people should think twice about ordering?

I would echo chef and writer Anthony Bourdain. Don’t order fish on Monday. Don’t order stews. That’s usually just everything that’s left over thrown in together. Don’t go to a steakhouse and order the chicken. Order what a restaurant is known for.

You hear horror stories about waiters spitting on food, but you found more creative ways to exact revenge on unpleasant patrons. You’d do things such as ask a rude regular who’s cheating on his wife with a much younger woman if he and his daughter would like dessert, or tell a menace who’s hosting a business meal that there’s a problem with his credit card. What were some of your other tricks?

I never spit in the food. I’ve never seen waiters I used to work with do that. But I’ve heard about it. One time this guy who was a chronically bad tipper called me on Valentine’s Day and begged me to give him a table, and I said no. Then he wonders why he’s sleeping on the couch that night. Waiters have long memories, and some of these computer reservation systems help us have an even longer memory. We can make notes about customers in them.

You claim to be able to predict within 10 seconds how well a patron will tip. In general, who tips better: men or women?

I was in the restaurant business for nine years, so I’ve heard every possible permutation on this. I think men tend to tip better than women because they tend to eat more and have bigger checks. Chicken Caesar salads with lemon water versus steaks and martinis.

How much do you tip when eating out? How about when picking up a to-go order?

Twenty percent. For to-go orders, I leave 10 percent. If I pick up a pizza, I’ll toss in an extra couple bucks. If a delivery guy comes, $5 or 20 percent of the cost of the pizzaa.

One suggestion you gave was to always check your bill, since some waiters may try for a “double tip.” If an automatic gratuity has already been added onto the tab, the waiter may write the total on the back of the bill, then leave it face down on the table, hoping the patron won’t notice that the amount includes a 15 or 18 percent tip and will give an additional gratuity. What are some other suggestions to avoid being taken advantage of?

Before you get refills of soft drinks, find out if they’re free. Be aware that they may not be.

When, if ever, are food substitutions acceptable? How about ordering things not on the menu?

The chef has spent a lot of time preparing this entree and getting it right. It behooves the diner to try to follow what the chef is trying to do. Obviously, if you’re truly allergic to something, it’s not just something you don’t like, then you can make a substitution. No one is allergic to garlic. I hate when people try to say they are. And it depends on the ease of the substitution. If it’s veal Parmesan, and you ask for chicken Parmesan, that’s a pretty easy substitution. Once I had a lady who came into the Italian restaurant and asked for sushi. She said you have tuna, you have rice, you can make it. We said no.

What are some dining out faux pas?

Bringing in a bottle of wine that the restaurant already sells. That is rude. The markup on wine is ridiculous. I will freely admit that. You can buy a bottle of wine in the liquor store for $10 that costs $40 in the restaurant. Most restaurants have a corking charge equal to the cost of the lowest priced bottle of wine, usually about $20. So you’re spending $30 buying the $10 bottle and paying the $20 corking charge. You’re saving $10, but it’s rude.

What should a customer do to help ensure good service when dining out?

Remember what you learned in kindergarten. Be polite, say please, say thank you. Show common courtesy. When the waiter is talking to you, don’t ignore them. Don’t talk on your cell phone when I’m taking your order. Use your head. Don’t bring your kids at 8 o’clock on a Saturday night.
Make reservations early, and keep them.

Bonus online question and answer

I thought the story about helping a couple who couldn’t really afford to eat at “The Bistro” find a way to have a special night out without breaking the bank was quite touching. How can people get on their waiter’s good side and be taken under the server’s wing, as happened with you and that couple?

That’s pretty tough if you don’t know the waiter. That’s usually something a waiter does on his or her own. I would say to every young man when you take a girl out on the first real date, go in and look at the restaurant ahead of time. How much does the food cost? What credit cards do they take? Can you have flowers deliver? Then if they say, ‘Will you be my waiter?’ we can turn on the charm when they come in with their date. I like doing that. Regular customers can cultivate a waiter. You always want this guy or this girl because you like them. What will happen is they will make more of an effort to take care of you.

MARY ANN ALBRIGHT can be reached at maryann.albright@columbian.com or 360-735-4507.

“Pay attention to your server. Give them good eye contact, smile. Eye contact is huge because so many times we go to the table and they just keep talking, rather than acknowledge that we’re there.”
—Colleen Nance,
bartender, manager, and waitress, Cactus Ya Ya, Vancouver

“Try not to arrive to the restaurant with low blood sugar. Patience is still a virtue. Try not to complain about the prices and compare the restaurant to other places. Try to keep special requests to a minimum in a busy place. Try to keep children from screaming and becoming overactive. Get a sitter and enjoy the time away. And last, treat the waiter or waitress with respect. They’re a human being just like you. Apply the golden rule and treat others as you want to be treated.”
—Michele DeBoer-VerValen, owner, Jitterbug Coffee Shop and Deli, Vancouver

“ ‘Please’ and ‘thank you’ are always appreciated. If you’re in a rush, let us know. We can always help out, drop the bill off early. If there are any special requests you need, don’t hesitate to ask. We’re there to help, but we can’t read your mind. Cell phones are great in case of emergency, but if we’re at the table, it’s really rude for you to answer them while you’re talking to us or we’re trying to take your order.”
—Aaron Dutson, head server, Battle Ground City Grill, Battle Ground