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Bypassing mommy track

Child-free life suits an increasing number of professional women

The Columbian
Published: July 16, 2010, 12:00am

At 46, Lisa Schiller walks into her Fort Lauderdale, Fla., law office, sees her name among others on the shingle, and knows she’s exactly where she wants to be in her career. Working long hours and staying on top of legal developments has led her to become sought after by clients and recognized as a top lawyer in her field, she says.

Schiller never intentionally set out to forgo children. It is more that marriage and children didn’t work into her schedule, she said.

“I was focused on my goal of becoming a successful lawyer, then a partner and then a name partner.”

Today, nearly 20 percent of women end their child-bearing years without biological children, compared to 10 percent in 1976, a new Pew Research Center report shows. Researchers believe public attitudes have changed, putting less pressure on women to get married and bear children.

“The fact that nearly one in five women does not have a child of her own is an enormous transformation from the past,” said D’Vera Cohn, co-author of the Pew report “More Women Without Children.”

A look behind the numbers reveals more of what this trend reflects: a generation of women who are not necessarily choosing career over kids but rather finding that time has passed and their focus has been elsewhere. Women are starting businesses in record numbers, advancing in corporate arenas and blazing career trails in once-male-dominated industries. They are the bulk of people getting advanced degrees, and they are getting married later in life. Many of these women say they are happy and fulfilled. Some are juggling as many time demands as a mother of three. Others have come to peace with their life’s path.

Some of the 2 million women age 40 to 44 who are child-free have made work a priority, but others discovered by the time they found the right mate and decided to have children, they couldn’t. Undergoing fertility treatment was either something they didn’t want to do or too costly. Cohn said that about 5 percent of women adopt.

In the workplace, women without children experience the advantages and disadvantages.

Sharlyn Lauby, a consultant with more than 20 years of professional human resources experience and a popular blog, said she and her husband have been able to travel, pursue hobbies, do volunteer work and devote time to each other and their businesses.

“I’ve been able to take some long-term assignments away from home because my husband is self-sufficient and I didn’t have to worry about some of the things that people with children have to think about.”

At the same time, childless people in today’s workplace often feel their personal time is less valued.

When working in the hotel business, Lauby was the one left behind to handle hurricane preparations while parents were encouraged to rush home to their families.

In many ways, society has come to realize that sacrifice goes with success and that women want it every bit as much as men. Pew researcher Cohn says her report shows perception is shifting, and the public is much more accepting of women who take a path other than marriage and childbirth. The majority of adults increasingly disagree that people without children lead empty lives. Even more, children increasingly are seen as less central to a good marriage.

Terri Lee Ryan has an overflowing to-do list, a job she loves as a career coach, and a strong marriage. She and her husband view marriage as enough to feel fulfilled.

Ryan, author of “Life is One Big To-Do List: A Woman’s Life after 40,” found renewed love while in her mid-30s, after she and her husband had been previously married and divorced.

“We were working, traveling and getting to know each other,” she said. “The clock was ticking, but we weren’t paying attention. By the time you get into your 40s, you usually have to do something medically aggressive to have a child, and we just didn’t feel we needed to do that.”

Women are increasingly able to choose the circumstances under which they have children. They are postponing both marriage and childbirth as they adjust for financial stability, considering more career and education opportunities, and taking advantage of better contraceptives. Women now outnumber men in the work force and have drawn even with them in advanced degrees.

As Schiller said, “We’re driving ourselves down different paths.”

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