John Laird: Dallas rip-offs, Gregoire’s plans and a February flop

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Notes, quotes and anecdotes while wondering why union-hating conservatives and corporate-hating liberals can’t get together and agree on restricting large campaign contributions:

And I’m not gonna take it anymore! — While planning a vacation recently, I noticed Dallas hotels charge a 13 percent room tax, which for one week at one of the hotels runs $104 just for the tax!

Obviously, I had to give these crooks a piece of my mind, so I quickly composed a letter:

“Hey, why didn’t I get to vote on this? If you smug elitists and your downtown Mafia think you can get away with jamming this crony capitalism down our throats, well, you’re sadly mistaken!

“Why, I’ll come down there and attend every city council meeting for two years, reminding you over and over that I represent the people, and we demand a vote on everything! We are Taxed Enough Already, and we want our country back!”

Then I realized the response letter would probably read:

“Calm down, Sparky. You don’t represent ‘the people,’ you represent yourself. The reason you didn’t get to vote on our tax is you don’t live in our community. If you don’t like our taxes, you have three choices: Don’t come here; or move here and run for office, advocating lower taxes; or visit us and just deal with it.”

Then I took a sedative, tossed my letter and reserved the room.

Happily married? Retiring? Plan carefully — Gov. Chris Gregoire said she and her husband considered renting a pop-up tent trailer for a month and visiting national parks after she retires. According to Everett Herald columnist Jerry Cornfield, a man said to Gregoire at a recent speaking engagement: “Let met get this straight. You live in a mansion and you’re going to buy a pop-up tent trailer. And you probably haven’t been with your husband 24/7 in what 30, 40 years and you’re going to travel the country with him, 24/7, in a tent? Let me know how that turns out for you.”

Gregoire says she is losing enthusiasm for the idea.

Where’s the parade? — According to the Washington State Budget & Policy Center, more than 60,000 low-income working adults in our state have lost state-subsidized health coverage in recent years, and more than 46,000 women have lost family-planning services that would reduce unintended pregnancies.

I figure this should make all the less-government advocates delirious with glee. Strangely, there’s been hardly any boasting. Why no victory rally, guys?

Got those Pink Calamity Blues? — February is becoming a “Valentastrophe” for Republicans.

The month of romance began with Americans still swooning over President Obama’s crooning of “Let’s Stay Together.”

Then a pink cigar blew up in the GOP’s face when Susan G. Komen for the Cure officials had to apologize for cutting funds to Planned Parenthood. And even that apology did nothing to quell the anger among many women. Then those same women became more infuriated when the GOP started obsessing over women’s reproductive health issues.

More awful news erupted in the GOP’s home arena: social issues. Lawmakers in two states approved gay marriage. Oh, no!

Then the worst possible news arrived for the party whose No. 1 political goal is to defeat the president: The economy improved. The Dow nudged 13,000 for the first time since 2008. Dang it!

Don’t lose hope, GOPers. Gas prices are up, and that’s great news for anyone praying for bad economic news.

Some of my Republican friends tell me February can’t end soon enough. More bad news: This year, it’s got 29 days.

Speaking of gender issues — After what happened in Virginia recently, do you think male politicians might consider a law requiring men to submit to state-mandated, medically unnecessary, invasive inspections of their internal male reproductive organs against their will?

(Rubber glove snaps.) Relax, Bubba, this’ll just take a second, and you won’t have to look at the results.