Having just read Bob Mattila’s April 30 letter, “Need for prayer greater than ever,” I am heartened to know that my local paper is willing to promote specific religious dogma. With that in mind, allow me to present some of my own that I am sure you will agree carries every bit as much weight as Mattila’s.
The great water creature Cthulhu slumbers in his watery tomb, awaiting the alignment of the stars, at which time he will rise up and reign down terror upon puny humankind. His insane wrath will unleash 10,000 years of untold suffering. Two-headed dogs will roam the streets. The seas will boil. Gas will go to $6 a gallon. George Lucas will make a seventh Star Wars movie. Taco Bell will bring back the talking Chihuahua as their mascot. Mediocrity will hold sway.
According to author H.P. Lovecraft’s Necronomicon (which is, of course, the only true holy book), this will happen in early August of this year. Or, sometime in the next one million years.