There are two kinds of muffins. The first are the ones with nutritional value: bran muffins, “morning glory” muffins, muffins containing whole-wheat flour, bananas, applesauce, carrots, raisins, flaxseeds, etc. These are purposeful muffins. These muffins contain enough fiber, both soluble and moral, to power you through a day of meetings, deadlines, appointments and other unfortunate side effects of adulthood.
The other kind of muffins are made out of refined flour, sugar and butterfat. These muffins offer nothing but cheerful insouciance and the promise of a blood-sugar crash come mid-afternoon. Like cinnamon rolls dripping with powdered-sugar icing and buttermilk pancakes drenched in maple syrup, second-category muffins are dessert posing as brunch. They’re dangerous on days when you need the energy to actually get something done. But on happy Saturdays and Sundays when you have nothing planned besides doing the crossword, catching up on DVRed sitcoms, and maybe a little day-drinking, they are the perfect way to greet the morning.
Blueberry muffins are definitely second-category muffins. Don’t try to hide behind their fruit content; if you were really interested in a healthy breakfast, you would dump some blueberries into a bowl, not wrap them up in cake batter. Once you accept that blueberry muffins are not healthy, you can get around to the crucial business of making them as delicious as possible.
Step one is easy and obvious: Pack your batter with plenty of butter and sugar. Blueberry muffins should be sturdier and less cloying than cake, but nowhere near as crusty and bland as bread. Better to err on the side of cake, I always say.