John Laird: Cockroach crawls, Boss goes ballistic and fun anagrams

By John Laird, Columbian Editorial Page Editor

Published:

 

Notes, quotes and anecdotes while wondering if national Republican Party leaders will choose to embrace immigration reform (and alienate the Tea Party) or obstruct immigration reform (and alienate Hispanic voters):

More cucaracha stomping — Another cockroach complaint about the Columbia River Crossing that refuses to die is the lament that the CRC "will destroy downtown Vancouver! Run for your lives!"

Really? Gosh, if that's the case, why are the Greater Vancouver Chamber of Commerce and Vancouver's Downtown Association among the CRC's most ardent supporters?

And how, precisely, has light rail "destroyed" downtown Gresham or downtown Hillsboro?

Vancouver's Downtown Association Executive Director Lee Rafferty — who knows as much about downtown Vancouver as any of the rest of us — told me on Friday: "We realize that construction during the CRC will not be a cakewalk for those of us downtown, but we know that ultimately the CRC will give us a more modern downtown and a better-connected city. The new bridge will bring new businesses and new people to downtown Vancouver. It will make more people want to invest in businesses here and live here."

Of course, none of that logic will keep countless other CRC cockroach complaints from skittering around the community.

A Hound by any other name — Are all those new people who are showing up at county commissioners' meetings these days to complain about Commissioners David Madore and Tom Mielke just the liberal equivalent of the Hounds of Whinerville?

Not at all. There are several differences, I hasten to report.

Most of these new commenters at public meetings are folks you've never seen before. By contrast, the Hounds of Whinerville are omnipresent, touring bellyachers who show up every time someone puts a microphone on a table. By name and appearance, the dozen or so Hounds are excruciatingly recognizable. Another difference is that most of the newer critics know when their time has expired and don't have to be told repeatedly: "Summarize, please."

For veteran observers of local politics, this new wave of articulate, poised public commentators is rather refreshing.

Speaking of Daddy Madorebucks — When he removes development impact fees, everyone will have to pay for growth. And without parking fees at parks, everyone will have to pay for parks.

Boy, howdy, that sure sounds like socialism to me.

Toughen up, Boss — Friday's story about the feud between legislators Don "No!" Benton and Ann Rivers shouldn't surprise anyone. This is what showing up will do for you. Boss Benton never had this problem back when his attendance record was among the worst in the Legislature.

Do you reckon Boss has gone soft on us? Complaining that he's "never before felt the threat of physical violence" until Ann came to the state Senate? I sure hope all that environmental services directing he's been doing for the county hasn't turned him into some kind of tree-hugging wimp.

As for Rivers, well, don't worry about her. She'll be fine as long as she doesn't go all Olivia Newton-John on Boss: "Let's get physical … Let me hear your body talk."

Guess who's been monkeying around with his online anagram calculator? — You can rearrange the letters in "Steve Stuart" and get "vast trustee" or "rat suet vest." Other fun anagrams about local public figures:

"Tim Leavitt" = "at evil mitt"

"Anne McEnerny Ogle" = "mannerly cone gene"

"Greg Kimsey" = "gym geek sir"

"Sharon Wylie" = "slayer oh win" and "halos winery"

"David Madore" = "avid mad doer"

"Floodgates" = "staged fool"

"Crime train" = "arm cretin I"

"County Mielke" = "elect oink yum" and "clone time yuk"

"Royce Pollard" = "early cold pro," "payroll coder" and "royal clod rep"

"Laird writes" = "wail stirred," "drawers I lit" and "liars drew it"