I’d like to make a confession.
I watch Bravo’s “The Real Housewives of Atlanta.” I know. Don’t judge me until you hear why.
I’m intrigued by many of the housewives’ shows. I used to watch the ones about the women in Orange County and New York. But these days it’s just the Atlanta version.
To my husband’s dismay, I’m hooked. Whenever he walks in and catches me absorbed in shows I’ve recorded, he turns around in a huff, mumbling about shallow people with grating personalities. In my defense, as I try to talk to the back of his head, I frequently argue that there are lessons to be learned from the materialistic musings of these women.
In particular, I was disturbed about a recent story line involving Kandi Burruss, a singer and businesswoman who technically wasn’t even a housewife. She got married in April to producer Todd Tucker. But leading up to their wedding, the couple fought over the prenuptial agreement Burruss demanded that Tucker sign.
The fighting was ugly. Burruss didn’t seem to want the man she said she loved to walk out of the marriage with anything more than he came in with. If they split, Burruss wanted Tucker out of her mansion within 30 days. And if she died, he would get nothing, according the discussion they had on the show.
When you watch any of the “Real Housewives” shows, you see a lot of emphasis on material things — big rings, brand-name purses, houses, cars — and a lot of unhappy people despite their wealth. Lesson: More money doesn’t mean happily ever after.
Which brings me to the reason I’m telling you this — the next Color of Money Book Club selection. This time I’m reaching a little to pick a book that doesn’t appear to have anything to do with money — but it does offer lessons. I’ve selected “Happy Wives Club” by Fawn Weaver (Nelson Books, $16.99).
Those of us who work with couples fighting about financial issues know that it’s rarely just about the money. It’s often about something else that manifests in overspending, miserly behavior or micromanaging what your spouse spends.
Earlier this year, the National Endowment for Financial Education released the results of a survey about financial infidelity. The organization found that roughly one in three adults who have combined their finances admitted they had hid a purchase, bank account, statement, bill or cash from their partner or spouse. Not surprisingly, the overwhelming majority of folks who have been deceptive say their actions affected their relationships.
If you think your marriage is in trouble because of money, perhaps you need to examine your relationship.
Are you happy?
If not, what can you do to take the focus off your financial fights, which you assume is the source of your unhappiness?
Here’s a start, read “Happy Wives Club.” Weaver went on a tour of 12 countries to talk to women who were happily married. She started HappyWivesClub.com to counter the negativity we see and hear about marriages.
“The truths at the core of a great marriage are so stunningly simple — we can live by them every day without getting caught up in the little things that rear their ugly heads,” writes Weaver, who has been married for 10 years.
It’s refreshing to read about real housewives who, despite various disagreements, adversities and even infidelity, have found ways for their marriages to work.
There is a travelogue feel to Weaver’s book, which makes it a nice summer read. This is not a marriage advice book. It’s not meant to demean or criticize people in bad marriages or who have divorced. It offers insights into the lives of couples who have supported each other to success.
