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Tuesday, March 19, 2024
March 19, 2024

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Jayne: Laws, even when they confound, are indispensable

By , Columbian Opinion Page Editor
Published:

So much for my vacation plans.

It turns out that it is illegal in Skamania County to kill Bigfoot. Seriously. This isn’t one of those, I’ll-post-something-wacky-on-the-Internet-and-see who-bites kind of things. This is a real Skamania County law — Ordinance 1984-2, which establishes the county as a “Sasquatch Refuge” and declares that “legend, purported recent findings, and spoor” support the existence of the creature in the area. Ordinance 1984-2 states that, “The premeditated, wilful, or wanton slaying of Sasquatch shall be unlawful.”

Glad they cleared that up. Here’s hoping I can get a refund on that “Sasquatch Safari” I bought for my wife.

Yet while the Skamania County officials of many years ago are to be commended for having a sense of humor about their locale’s place in Bigfoot lore, many other laws in Washington are a bit more confounding. This is inevitable, considering that lawmakers have been, um, making laws in this state for a long time. That’s kind of what they do.

So, with the current legislators working to turn their ideas into a legacy, and with the Internet providing an easy resource for researching such things, and with me in need of a column idea, I decided to do a little digging into our state’s legal morass. You can find some interesting stuff in there.

You know, like a law that makes it illegal to attach a vending machine to a utility pole without the consent of the utility company. Same goes for advertising signs and posters, which wouldn’t seem to present as much of a problem as a vending machine. I suppose this was designed to prevent unwanted newspaper boxes from being attached to utility poles, but I keep having visions of an 8-foot-tall Pepsi machine being chained to a telephone poll on the sidewalk.

Anyway, that restriction can be found as Revised Code of Washington 70.54.090, which is quite different from RCW 70.54.080, a 1909 law regarding the “liability of person handling steamboat or steam boiler.” I can’t vouch for the last time that one ended up in court, but the law is on the books.

So is one that allows you to keep your neighbor’s horse, mule, donkey, cow, goat, sheep or pig if said animal trespasses on your property and causes some damage (RCW 16.04.010). I’ll keep that in mind for the next time my neighbor’s donkey tramples my peonies; or, for that matter, the next time my neighbor has a donkey.

Right and wrong of the law

And then there is a 1965 law that makes it illegal to coast down a hill with the car in neutral (RCW 46.61.630). Which is probably more difficult to justify than a law that explicitly makes it illegal to embrace another person while driving (RCW 46.61.665).

That one, when you think about it, points out much of what is right and wrong about our system of laws. While it is tempting to question the need to codify such a rule, the truth is that there probably was somebody somewhere who thought a hug — or something more intimate — while driving was perfectly safe. Typically, laws are not required to protect us from ourselves, but to protect us from the other guy out there. As John Locke purportedly said, “Where there is no law, there is no freedom.” Then again, Louis XIV of France said, “It is legal because I wish it.”

We are fortunate to live in a nation where mortal humans cannot declare a law simply because they wish to (no, please don’t send me your Obama jokes). Instead, as is often said, the United States is a nation of laws and not men.

As Thomas Jefferson said, “Rightful liberty is unobstructed action according to our will within limits drawn around us by the equal rights of others. I do not add ‘within the limits of the law’ because law is often but the tyrant’s will, and always so when it violates the rights of the individual.”

Anyway, I suppose all of that means we should be happy for RCW 66.44.265, which deems it illegal for a political candidate to give alcohol to another person while the polls are open. Great idea. Except that it probably spoils the rest of my vacation plans.

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