News / Opinion / Columns

Jayne: ‘Mockrage’ over Starbucks a tempest in a coffee cup

By Greg Jayne, Columbian Opinion Page Editor

Published: November 15, 2015, 6:00am

The season started early this year.

The one about glad tidings and peace on Earth? The one about good will toward all? The one in which millions of Americans celebrate the birth of Christ? Nah, we’re talking about the season of mock outrage — mockrage? — in which a small faction of Christians asserts that there is a nefarious “War on Christmas” in this country.

I know, I know, it’s a bit early for that, but in this age of media overreaction, it’s never too soon to get a jump on things. Besides, with Bill O’Reilly last year proclaiming “I won the ‘War on Christmas’ ” and hopefully retiring from the battle, somebody has to pick up the mantle of sanctimony and martyrdom.

That somebody, apparently, is a man who calls himself “an American evangelist, Internet, and social media personality” — which might or might not be code for “insufferable nudnik.” Anyway, this guy posted a video in which he raged against Starbucks for having simple, red, unadorned cups this year to mark the holiday season. “Do you realize that Starbucks wanted to take Christ, and Christmas, off of the brand-new cups?” he intones. “That’s why they’re just plain red.”

Which is rather odd, considering that Starbucks’ seasonal cups in the past have featured winter scenes such as snowflakes and reindeer, but never anything tied to the religious meaning of the season. It also seems odd considering that the chain still sells and actively promotes it “Christmas blend” of coffee. But “odd” is currency these days, and so this insufferable nudnik has garnered some 12 million views of his video, landed on CNN, and sparked an inexplicable national discussion.

Sure, most of the discussion is pointing out how this is a non-issue. But the friendly baristas at my local Starbucks report that some customers have said their name is “Merry Christmas” in an effort to force the staff to call out the holiday salutation when the order is ready. “I was tempted to write ‘Mary Kristmas,’ ” one barista told me. She decided against it.

And yet it is tempting to mercilessly troll anybody who believes there is a “War on Christmas.” You know, people like Sarah Palin, who once wrote a book titled, “Good Tidings and Great Joy: Protecting the Heart of Christmas.” Or John Gibson, who wrote: “The War on Christmas: How the Liberal Plot to Ban the Sacred Christian Holiday is Worse Than You Thought.” Copies of either book can be found at Amazon.com for 1 cent. I hear they make good Christmas gifts.

Unnecessary pandering

All of this strikes me as unnecessary pandering. As a Washington Post headline proclaimed last year: “The War on Christmas is over. Jesus won.” This followed a Pew Research Center survey that found 73 percent of Americans believe Jesus was literally born to a virgin. And there is no disputing the assertion that millions of people in this country celebrate Christmas to the degree of obsessive excess.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that. For many people, it is a profoundly meaningful holiday, one that heralds the promise of salvation for the world. And that is why the “War on Christmas” soldiers are deeply disturbing.

You see, proclaiming that Starbucks is engaging in a war against Christianity only harms the cause. It only serves to draw attention away from the genuine persecution of Christians in many parts of the world. It only serves to bring ridicule upon those who deserve to be mocked for their mockrage over a red cup. Most Christians are not so easily duped, but somebody must have bought Palin’s book.

Of course, mockrage is not limited to one segment of society. Goodness knows, many words have been wasted over the slightest of perceived grievances regarding race or class or gender or sexual orientation, often at the expense of genuine, meaningful grievances. But this time of year inevitably belongs to the absurdist complaints about a “War on Christmas.”

‘Tis the season.

Unnecessary pandering

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