‘Mike and Dave’ just not good

Although the premise is spelled out right there in the title, “Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates” makes very little sense. That’s despite it being (shockingly) based on a book. Well, a “book,” written by brothers Mike and Dave Stangle as an obligatory cash-in on their viral Craigslist ad.

But even though the opening credits claim that the film is “inspired by the life stories of Mike and Dave Stangle” and also “based on a true story. sort of,” somehow the movie version has absolutely no connection to reality.

That’s OK — sex comedies shouldn’t necessarily resemble real life. But the film doesn’t even convincingly craft its own internal reality in this story about a pair of rowdy brothers who end up with an even rowdier pair of dates to their sister’s wedding. There are no rules or character motivations, words come out of Zac Efron’s mouth when it isn’t moving, and Anna Kendrick’s wig changes color seemingly at random.

The script, by Andrew Jay Cohen and Brendan O’Brien, who adapted the book, is a disappointing nosedive after “Neighbors 2: Sorority Rising.” It’s directed by Jake Szymanski, who has a host of Funny or Die shorts and the HBO tennis comedy “7 Days in Hell” under his belt, but this doesn’t prove that he can handle multiple storylines that are intended to stretch beyond a few minutes.

This movie will leave you with more questions than answers: If Mike and Dave ruin every family party, why would their family think asking them to bring dates is going to remedy the situation? Furthermore, why do drunken train wrecks Tatiana (Aubrey Plaza) and Alice (Anna Kendrick) want to be their dates? Sure, it’s a free vacation to Hawaii, but they have to go to great lengths to convince the guys that they’re “nice girls,” when they’re actually mentally unstable drug addicts. And after all that, why do they quickly and cavalierly confess their lies halfway through the movie?

Plaza and Kendrick pull the short straws in the character department, and their performances don’t help. Plaza’s bizarre “urban” accent she puts on as Tatiana is confounding and borders on offensive. Someone needs to stage an intervention with her representation.

Kendrick is spun up in her worst tendencies of quirky, grating affectations. Here’s an Oscar nominee in a movie where she covers her breasts with a horse’s mane during a drug trip, for crying out loud.

Efron usually lifts everything with his sweet stupidity, but he only gets a few moments to shine as Dave. Adam Devine, is vein-poppingly intense and ridiculous as Mike, and squeezes in a laugh or two when he’s allowed to be his weirdest.