Tired of living in the shadow of that other Vancouver to the north? Worn out explaining there are two major cities with same name, 300 miles apart? We were the first, but nobody cares. We need a solution.
Consider a name change. “Vantucky” seems a popular, albeit, perceptively derogatory, title. It’s a good fit for us gun-toting, dope-smoking, bunch of tax dodgers living in the great Northwest. We may not marry our cousins, but we treat those who do with kindness. Here we can drink beer with breakfast while reading The Columbian’s lead story. It’s a pet parade, where politicians confirm the image of local-yokel leadership, maintain the good-old-boy backroom dealmaking and “Trust in God.”
Alternatively, “Vansterdam” has a nice ring. Forsake the image of ill repute and embrace becoming the cannabis capital of the U.S. — Amsterdam in America. Have annual events like the Clark County Cannabis Carnival and Marijuana Marathon. Turn liability into asset.
Or perhaps we need a name that defines more of what we really are: “North Portland.” This should help appease the animosity (or jealousy) toward us from Portlanders. They might even begrudgingly help pay for a new I-5 bridge, uniting “all” of Portland.
