A dad’s wish, a wedding to remember

RIDGEFIELD — Guests filed through the entrance at Vintage Gardens into the reception area Monday night.

They made sure to greet Akhil Jhaveri, 52, and his wife, Laura. He was in a tuxedo with a corsage. She was in a blue dress. The guests brought chips, guacamole, hummus, olives, cheese, salad and shrimp, and set them on a table. Akhil’s three daughters took photos near a barn behind the reception. Then the Rev. Craig Brown’s voice boomed over the microphone.

“Welcome,” Brown, the wedding’s officiator, said.

The guests filed into eight rows of benches. Akhil was in his wheelchair in the middle of the aisle, and his daughters walked toward him. First came Ashley, 24, then Corinne, 23, then Jordan, 18. Each one bent over and kissed him on the cheek. Then Akhil was rolled to the center of the ceremony.

Everyone was readying themselves for what Brown described as “a very unique evening.” The Jhaveri family, and their nearly 80 guests, were present for a wedding, but no one was getting married.

“This evening, we celebrate love, loss and life,” Brown said. “We’ll let the tears happen when they need to.”

After seven years of battling ALS, commonly known as Lou Gehrig’s Disease, Akhil had been told he was in his final weeks of life. It was time to start saying goodbye. This unique wedding ceremony was a way to begin that process.

A couple of weeks earlier, with Akhil growing more and more uncomfortable, Laura asked her husband what he was hanging on for. Unable to speak, Akhil used his eyes to spell, through a computer, the word: “wedding.” Laura thought maybe it had to do with a wedding she is attending soon, but he communicated that it had to do with their daughters.

With a major assist from Deanna Green — who coached Corinne in cheerleading at Ridgefield High School — and the Ridgefield community, the entire wedding ceremony was planned in nine days. Guests brought dishes. Three Brothers Vineyard and Winery helped with the open bar. A local DJ volunteered his time. Community members who have never even met the Jhaveris helped Green set up tables.

“It’s been a long disease, and people, they go on with their lives,” Green said. “(This wedding) brings it to the forefront that the family is in it, and the community is here, too.”

Tarrie Miller, who owns Vintage Gardens, and grew up on the farm property, said her family has had about eight members die from ALS over three generations. That made this wedding particularly special. Laura mentioned it was bittersweet watching Akhil as he seemed to be attentive and enjoying the ceremony.

“Our family loved to plan parties and celebrations,” Laura said. “It was really hard to realize this was really our last family party and celebration. That was probably the hardest thing. I’m just glad that he got to be part of it. There were moments when he really opened his eyes and perked up. I know he really cherished being able to be here, and having this party.”

Laura, and each daughter got to share “vows” at the ceremony. Laura gave tips of what makes a good marriage, telling her daughters to choose love every day.

“Love is not a feeling or emotion. Love is an action,” she said.

Ashley explained how her dad “put the fun into unfun events,” like his game of sockball, where he’d have the kids race to match pairs of socks when folding laundry.

Corinne, through tears, said her parents embarrassed her growing up, and that she’d like a spouse she could be similarly embarrassing with. And Jordan mentioned she wanted to find someone who loved “Harry Potter” as much as she does.

After the ceremony, Jordan, who plans to attend the University of Portland in the fall, and major in engineering like her father, mentioned the event exceeded her expectations.

“I thought it was going to be way weirder,” Jordan said with a laugh. “Because I’m 18 and my mom goes, ‘We’re going to have a wedding,’ and I’m like, ‘Haha, OK.’ I thought it was going to be weird, and no one was going to show up, and I thought it was going to be not super classy. But this is beautiful, and I’m impressed by all the people who showed up. It means a lot to our family.”

Jordan also mentioned it functioned perfectly as a memory the daughters can pull from if they do get married later. Her sister Ashley agreed. Because of ALS, the Jhaveris were robbed of many moments and memories. Laura had to drive Ashley and Corinne to college alone. And she helped them set up their dorm rooms alone.

If only for one night, the Jhaveris shifted that narrative of ALS just slightly. Instead of another missed memory for Akhil, they gave him one. Instead of another missed moment later in life for the family, Akhil will still be around as a memory.

“I didn’t realize how important it was for my dad to be at my wedding,” Ashley said. “We planned it in a week, so there was no time to process through any of it. As we started walking down the aisle, I realized that if I do get married, I’ll get to take this whole ceremony with me, and he’ll be there.”