Everyone, it seems, is unhappy about traffic congestion, something which seems to grow worse by the day. There are all kinds of theories about how to solve the problem, most of which center on building a new bridge across the Columbia River, but there’s absolutely no consensus on how to pay for this bridge. To make matters worse, those meanies to the south want to set up a toll-road system designed to extract bundles of money from those of us who live in Washington. I’ve given this matter a lot of thought, and I think I have the solution:
Divert the Columbia River to the north of Battle Ground. That way, many of us will become Oregonians. Imagine the benefits. No tolls, no sales tax, and a much more interesting governor. This will be a mammoth project, of course. I figure it will take 10,000 men, with shovels, about 10 years, but it’ll be worth the effort. Let’s get with it!
