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Thursday, June 1, 2023
June 1, 2023

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Letter: Head-to-toe protection


In the June 5 letters to the editor, one writer suggested schoolchildren wear bulletproof vests. However, he has not thought this through completely. Bulletproof vests would ultimately prove inadequate given that several children in Uvalde, Texas, were shot in the head, requiring parents to submit DNA to identify said children.

Instead, children should be required to wear Kevlar burqas that would provide head-to-toe protection. And in order to defend themselves, each child should have their own pistol with a high-capacity magazine. These pistols would be designed to accommodate those smaller hands one finds in grammar schools, which both the NRA and gun manufacturers would concur with and support.

This could prove expensive, which Republicans would immediately suggest either covering the cost by putting it on the credit card or requiring parents to foot the bill, unlike the Democrats who would of course insist on raising taxes instead. The finer details can be worked out later. Check with your local lobbyist.

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