‘I’m not the only woman who does stand-up’: Iliza Shlesinger on ‘digestible feminism’ and mom brain

LOS ANGELES — Comedian Iliza Shlesinger takes the word “special” very seriously, and not just because she’s done a lot of them (seven, to be exact). It’s because when she hits the stage, the goal is to leave a mark. From the first roar of applause from the audience, to the punch lines that claw into the flesh of gender stereotypes, to the pop-star outfits that remind us she’s a comedy queen of the jungle, the veteran headliner holds nothing back.

She brings those showbiz instincts to everything she does — including in-person interviews. On a recent afternoon, the L.A.-based comic arrived dressed to the nines (maybe even the 10s), in a full Rockette wardrobe including a black tuxedo top, sparkling sheer leggings and high heels to match.

In her latest comedy special, “A Different Animal,” which premiered Tuesday on Prime Video, Shlesinger dives into her evolution as a mother of two dealing with “mom brain” while proudly upholding her role as an elder millennial who can school Gen Z and Alpha newbies on what’s up with a mixture of wisdom, wit and wild animal noises.

This interview was edited for length and clarity.

Q: The title of your special, “A Different Animal,” is an aggressive title, but it also seems like it’s got a bunch of layers to it. How do you think the title relates to your comedy?

A: I wanted to do something that was very me, but also my comedy has a little bit of force and aggression built into it. But I did want to sort of announce that I’m on this new platform [Prime Video], and I think what I bring as a performer is different. Every comic should feel that they are bringing something unique, otherwise, why are you an artist? In a literal way, [my comedy] is a different animal because I do these animal sounds [during my show] and I’m very theatrical in what I do. This is different comedy than what you might get somewhere else. I think that I create a very special product.

Q: When it comes to making a special new and different, every special you have has some element of theatrics, whether it’s the set design, your outfit, etc. How far ahead do you visualize what a special is gonna look like?

A: I believe in creating a product. I believe that if people are spending their time and money to come and see you, which is the greatest sacrifice we can make in this economy, they deserve a polished product. You don’t deserve to see me come out there and stop to drink and have a beer and not have any production value, especially for a special. This is show business, and I think sometimes we get away from that. I mean, look, I’m the first one to perform in leggings and sneakers when I’m on tour, but for a special, and it should be special, you want to give them a show. And so we worked really hard on the design and the layout and we went through a lot of different options, but we just wanted something that was big and shiny and an announcement of my presence on the platform [Prime Video]. And somebody came up with having “Iliza” [in big letters behind me] because the idea is you’re watching this and just in case you forget who you’re watching, we wanted it to always be onscreen. And I want it to be fun and polished and visually appealing. I thought about doing everything in white and Amazon was like, “That’s going to be a little hard to watch the whole time.” They’re like, “You should be the whitest thing about your set.”

Q: Having seen you around town in LA, you do multiple sets a night and you’re very focused, dressed down and very inconspicuous when you’re drilling your new material.

A: It is a drill — I am drilling it.

Q: What’s your mentality when you’re in that mode?

A: I believe in loving the work, and so when I go out at night I am there to get something out of it. Always do the set, even when you don’t feel well, when you’re tired. If there’s no real reason to stay home, like if you have flu, maybe, OK stay home, don’t spread it around–or do!

I think maybe COVID was started by a bunch of male comics just like breathing on a microphone, but I’m there to do work and I’m there to find all the little weak points. I’m there to find new things, I’m there to find tags, So I get up, if I’m not on the road, I’ll get up like two or three times a night. I don’t do three sets as often as I used to because by the third set, even if it’s only a 20-minute set, I’m still like, “Did I already say this to you? or was that the other club?” But I try to get up a few times a night because I don’t write anything down, so it’s all in my head and so for me it’s about retaining, remembering the muscle memory of what got a laugh last time.

Q: That’s crazy you don’t write anything down.

A: I write down like a word, like it’ll say “Jell-O” and then that’s my mental cue to remember that entire bit. Even though my memory feels shot since becoming a mom, I’m a big believer in the repetition that is the workout and so I’ll do a lot of shows where I riff. If you come to see me in Hollywood, chances are I’m making up like a third of what I’m saying there, and then it just all I feel like whatever’s good sticks and that’s how we arrive at the hour.

Q: You talk about “mom brain” a lot in your special. Is it true that parts of your brain shrink when you become a mom?

A: Thank you for asking that. Yeah, a part of your brain shrinks when you become a mom, and I know people watching this are like, “We better ask Joe Rogan. There’s no way she knows that” — but it’s true. Your brain actually chemically biologically shrinks to make way for a part of your brain that in fact enlarges when you become a mom, and that is the part that knows how to reflexively care for a child because it isn’t as easy as babysitting, like that’s your mother’s intuition. Those are the eyes in the back of your head. All of those are senses that are in fact overdeveloped because you are inflamed when you become a mom. So it’s the reason why I can anticipate what my child might need or why a mom can do that. So while you are looking for your phone as you’re on it, you are still making sure your child doesn’t fall or grab a knife. So there’s a give and a take. I often forget to use a turn signal now, but at least I know my daughter’s favorite foods.

Q: How do you balance that mom brain with hustling the way you do in comedy?

A: I don’t know if it’s a balance. A balance just suggests that you haven’t fallen so off-kilter that you’re in some sort of mental facility. And I know that women often get asked about that. There is no balance, there is just doing it. I just get up and I put one foot in front of the other and I just do the best I can and I know from watching other moms, I’ve decided to never come down too hard on myself. Like you are really doing the best that you can, and the good news is your kid doesn’t know any better and you just do it to the best of your ability, knowing that you will be faulted for much in the way you faulted your parents, everything you did and didn’t do anyway, so we may as well let them have that cookie.

Q: Now that you’ve had both a daughter and a son, are you noticing a difference in the way you parent boys versus girls?

A: [My son is] only 1, so there’s not a lot to do other than like, “Please don’t grab my hair.” But I will say it is heartbreaking to leave them, and I don’t remember a ton of it from my daughter because your brain is like this foggy mess and stand-up is one of the things that does keep me grounded. The consistency of getting up in those clubs year after year and knowing everyone — that is the one consistent thing in my life over the last 20 years and it’s always been something that’s brought me such joy and I love my fans so much. But your heart is broken when you’re not with your kids and then when you’re with them, you’re like, oh, I need a break. But it is a weird thing, like you become two different people. When I leave [home to do shows], I have to just know that my heart is in pieces, but I’ve got to go do this amazing job, but I can’t say that I get the joy from being on the road in the way that I did before, like I’ve been to Pittsburgh, I’ve been to Austin, I’ve been to the gift shops, I’ve been to the bars, I’ve eaten the steak, and all I want to do when I get offstage is just go to sleep so I can get home the next day.

Q: So as we millennials are reaching a certain age and having children, I think it’s great that comedians who are also experiencing parenthood are able to talk about it because it feels like a different era than what our parents went through. What is it like crafting jokes around that topic?

A: When you’re a woman, you’re always gonna get asked more about your children than men do, and for me there was a bit of a stutter step because to even begin to talk about something as life-changing, life-affirming and life-shattering as having kids, these are waters that you’ve never navigated before and I’ve gotten horrific comments like, “You’re not gonna talk about your kids, are you?” Which is disheartening because men get to do that and it’s like, “Oh, that’s so charming, give them a sitcom.” But when women do, it’s kind of seen as like, “Oh, well, she’s unf—able now, she has kids, that’s not gonna be for me.” I also have a lot of hot takes about other things. So for me, the commentary on being a mom is less about the specificity of an interaction with my child and more commentary on society’s commentary on a woman having kids, and even within that, I do keep it to a minimum in the special because I’m still so blown away by the experience that I’m having, I haven’t processed all of it yet. So in five years I’ll complain about the kids.

Q: You have some good material when it comes to talking about Gen Z and Alpha. How do you find a way to make these jokes multilayered for everyone in the audience?

A: I’m always developing jokes for me, and I’m mindful of who might be in the audience, but I’m very lucky in that I don’t have a homogeneous audience. I think with some comics you know exactly the archetype of [their fans], and because I’m fortunate enough to be able to play audiences across the country, you really don’t know who you’re gonna get. You can kind of guess, but we have everyone from conservative veterans, to a super queer contingent, to people who look like your parents, to Gen Z. So it’s always about the truth and it’s always about saying something honest, because comedy comes from vulnerability and from honesty and I don’t hate Gen Z or Baby Boomers. My comedy comes from a place of very much wanting to be seen and explain myself. I don’t ever write anything to hurt anyone deliberately. And so all my comedy comes from this unending need to understand what the f— is going on.

Q: When you make jokes about gender double standards, you say that it’s never to bash men, it’s to empower women. Why is that an important message to drive home to your male fans?

A: I think we make the mistake of thinking that if it’s pro-female, it has to be anti-male. And both things can be true — that you are critiquing something without aiming to harm and also wanting women to feel a little bit better. One of the comments that I sadly still get is women will come up to me and they’ll say, “That was my first stand-up show.” And I’ll be like, well, that’s right, because your boyfriend probably only showed you his favorite male comics, so you thought comedy wasn’t for you. I’m not the only woman who does stand-up. Thankfully, there’s so many more now than even when I started, so everybody can find something for them, but I think that there’s a way to bring men in — I call it digestible feminism. Bring men in in a way that you just present the facts and you make everyone laugh, but you are saying something that women in the audience can vibrate with and men, if you don’t hate women, will be like, “Hey, that there’s a good thought.”

Nobody buys [a ticket to a comedy show] to hear why their politics are wrong, why their gender is wrong, why their color is wrong. And so I try to keep it all social and light and just hit you with scathing hot facts that are irrefutable wrapped in comedy so you can digest it and talk about it on your drive home to La Crescenta later.

Q: When you started comedy, what was your perception of what stand-up could be?

A: When I started comedy, I don’t think I had a perception because I was thrown into it. I became a touring headliner at 25. There was no real time to gather information. I didn’t have a mentor. I was headlining at an age where most of the people around me were still gritting it out in clubs and you’re alone. [Comedy is] a solo sport. And so, you know, you’re playing an Improv in the middle of America and you’re just like, “Wow, it’d be really great to get to a place where I could make $400 a weekend.” It’d be great to get these shows sold out. I never looked beyond that because you’re working, I was working so hard to sell the T-shirts that I brought with me to fill that room to get past just a regular guarantee and get to a door deal. Like there’s all these little levels. The internet was around, but we didn’t have comedy on social media in the way that we do now. I wish that we had. It would have been so much better for me.

So it was never about looking at someone like Chris Rock, which was so out of the stratosphere. Like those are just celebrities. It was just about [putting] one foot in front of the other. I had no idea how much money could be made. I got into comedy because I just loved doing it and that begot so much else. There’s micro goals, but the [biggest] goal is always to be artistically fulfilled and always leveling up at every stage, which is why I’m in this outfit.

Q: And we appreciate it.

A: I think your viewers will too.

Q: You have so many layers to this special. Is there something that you would hope that fans walk away with after watching it?

A: My only hope ever is that people walk away feeling great. I say these things for me just as much as the fans. I hope that men come away a little bit softer with women. I hope women come away feeling a little bit better. I hope everybody comes away with their faces in pain from laughing so hard. What I want is for you to have a great time, truly — and to admit that the pants were hot fire.