Greg Jayne column: Salmon, tigers and Wulff: Your Pac-10 primer

For a Pac-10 season that promises to be unpredictable, there’s only one way to approach the year — by attempting to channel Carnac the Magnificent.

So, with sincere, heartfelt apologies to Johnny Carson (for you youngsters, Johnny Carson was a comedian who would provide answers and then . . . oh, never mind) let’s divine the answers to the upcoming season.

A: The Hurt Locker.

Q: What is an Oscar-winning movie and a Washington fan’s worst nightmare?

Hopes are high at Washington, and to listen to Husky fans you would think they need only one player in order to have a great season.

But while Jake Locker is magnificent, there’s a little something in football known as defense that can be helpful in winning games. Last year, Washington was ninth in the Pac-10 in scoring defense, eighth in total defense, ninth in rushing defense, and ninth in pass efficiency defense.

Unless they decide to have Locker play both ways, the Huskies’ defense and their schedule will keep them from living up to what are unrealistic expectations.

A: “Thank you sir, may I have another?”

Q: How can you describe the Pac-10’s non-conference schedule?

Nearly all of the marquee non-league games are on the road this year.

In the opening weekend, Washington is at Brigham Young, and Oregon State plays Texas Christian in Dallas. In later weeks, Oregon is at Tennessee, Arizona State is at Wisconsin, OSU is at Boise State, Stanford is at Notre Dame, and UCLA is at Texas.

Florida, meanwhile, has a non-league schedule featuring Miami of Ohio, South Florida, Appalachian State, and Florida State.

With a majority of the difficult early season games on the road, you’ll probably see some losses and plenty of national stories about the perception that the Pac-10 is weak this year.

A: The salmon, the Siberian tiger, and the Wulff.

Q: What are three endangered species?

Paul Wulff is on the proverbial hot seat at Washington State. That’s what happens when you go 3-22 in your first two seasons.

Most people at WSU recognize that Wulff was dealt an awful hand when he took over the Cougars. Like if purgatory were a blackjack table where you are dealt a 16 for all eternity.

But it’s not just the fact the WSU has been losing. It’s the fact that the past two years have seen scores such as 69-0, 66-3, 58-0, 66-13, and 63-14.

The Cougars do not need to win much to save Wulff’s job; they just need to be competitive on occasion.

A: Mickey Mouse, Bugs Bunny, Bart Simpson, and Lane Kiffin.

Q: What are four cartoonish characters that won’t be in Pasadena on Jan. 1?

With Southern California on probation, who will emerge as the Pac-10 champion?

Oregon might have the most talent in the league, but it has a new quarterback and plays both USC and Oregon State on the road.

Washington has not demonstrated that it can tackle or win on the road, and it plays at USC and at Oregon.

Arizona has a favorable schedule, but it lost seven starters on defense and it has a crazy man for a coach.

Stanford has the best quarterback in the league (sorry, Husky fans) and a great coach, but it lost Toby Gerhart and has Oregon, Washington, and Cal on the road.

Which brings us to Oregon State. The Beavers have a new quarterback, yet they are loaded elsewhere. They play at Washington and Stanford, but they have USC and Oregon at home.

OSU has a brutal stretch of Southern Cal, at Stanford, and Oregon to close the season. But if the Beavers can stay healthy heading into late November, they are poised for their first Rose Bowl berth since Carnac was a child.

(We’re really sorry, Johnny.)

Greg Jayne is Sports editor of The Columbian. He can be reached at 360-735-4531, or by e-mail at greg.jayne@columbian.com. To read his blog, go to columbian.com/weblogs/GregJayne