October Surprises just aren’t what they used to be.
Carnival barker and Mitt Romney surrogate Donald Trump, R-Absurdity, set the gossip mill churning this week when he declared he would make a “major announcement” about President Obama. “It’s very big — bigger than anybody would know,” he told Fox News Channel. Would it be a bombshell revelation that Obama sold cocaine in college? The discovery of divorce papers for the president and the first lady?
A betting house set 250/1 odds that Trump would prove that Obama is from another planet, and 500/1 odds that he would announce that he is Obama’s father. The disclosure that Obama is not American was a relatively safe bet, at 2/5 odds.
But Trump surprised them all by announcing … absolutely nothing. Instead, he released at high noon on Wednesday what had the look of a ransom video, in which the Donald himself, appearing puffy and unwell, played a character that was part Dr. Evil, part Crazy Eddie. “I have a deal for the president, a deal that I don’t believe he can refuse,” Trump announced, leaning forward and chopping the air with his hands. “If Barack Obama opens up and gives his college records and applications and if he gives his passport applications and records, I will give to a charity of his choice … a check, immediately, for $5 million! The check will be given within one hour after he releases all of the records so stated.”
Trump teased the president with possible charities that might interest him — “inner-city children in Chicago, American Cancer Society” — and repeated his terms: “All he has to do to get five million dollars. … “