Alicia P., 66, an artist, has been married to her physician husband, Chet, 68, for 42 years. The couple had long had problems with intimacy, and Alicia complained that Chet was so involved with his medical research that family came a distant second. As long as their children were at home, Alicia thought about divorce from time to time, but believed the couple had to stay together “for the kids.”
Now that the kids are out of college and starting families of their own, however, Alicia has asked Chet for a divorce. Her parents lived into their 90s, Alicia is in good health, and the idea of spending another 25 years in her unsatisfying marriage is simply not appealing.
Alicia and Chet are not alone. As The Evergreen State College professor Stephanie Coontz comments, “If you are a healthy 65, you can expect a pretty healthy (next) 20 years. … It seems more burdensome … to stay in a bad relationship, or even one that has gone stale.”
Still, there’s a tendency to think that divorce is for the young — those who jumped quickly into marriage, unprepared for the scale of the commitment or the strain of raising children. Once couples have made it past these hurdles, and past midlife crises, as well, they are often considered to be in the clear, at no risk of divorce. These marriages, we think, dissolve only when one partner dies. But statistics don’t bear that out.