I was trying to pin down a date for a birthday dinner for my cousin who is celebrating her big 65. But her daughter, “Emily,” rejected a date that worked for several of us.
She explained that her new boyfriend, “Dillon,” was taking her and her parents to a folk concert. When I expressed surprise — folk music is at the top of this 30-year-old guy’s list? — she replied, “He’s in the septic tank period.”
OK, now I understand. I introduced the term “septic tank period” to her a few years earlier when she was dating a young man who fell head over heels in love right away. From the beginning, he came over to her parents’ ranch as often as possible, even when she was not there. He even reconstructed the gate, over their objections. He insisted on spending his spare weekends welding an elaborate gate with the ranch’s brand embedded in it.
This was within the first few months of dating Dillon. Emily was puzzled by the intensity of his enthusiasm for whatever she and her family were doing. But this is familiar ground for me. Over many years of observing friends and family, I have developed my own theories of “The Laws of Attraction.” I call this type of behavior in men “the septic tank period.”
In the beginning of a relationship, the laws of attraction seem to hit a man particularly hard. Nothing else is more important than being with his new love. If she has to beg off for a weekend due to a family commitment, he will push forward, seeking a way to still be in the picture.
The conversation usually goes something like this:
Girl: “Sorry, I can’t see you that weekend. I promised my family I would help with a project this and I can’t back out.”
Boy: “What if I came over to help with the project!”
Girl: “That would not be a good idea, you don’t want to be involved in this project.”
Boy: “What is it? I can probably help!”
Girl: “My parents have to clean out the septic tank and change the pump. It is an awful job.”
Boy “No problem, I don’t mind helping with that.”
Girl: “My old boyfriend Ted was going to help them before we broke up. We will need someone to actually go down into the pit.”
Boy: “I love that type of thing! I don’t mind getting dirty! Count me in!”
I think of it as one of Mother Nature’s little jokes — right up there with “opposites attract.”
This period can be expensive for men. It’s when many jewelry purchases occur. One of my son’s friends once canceled a hunting trip in favor of taking his new girlfriend and her mom on a tour of quilting shops from Seattle to Everett. He knew all about the art of quilting by the end of the day. He also spent several hundred dollars buying supplies for them to make him a quilt — even though I think he still favored a sleeping bag.
This is such a consistent rule of attraction, I have seen the pattern in most guys I know, gay or straight.
As “Emily” and I confirmed a new date for her mom’s birthday celebration, she confessed that this folk-concert outing that “Dillon” was planning had her concerned. While she really liked him, his feelings seemed to be moving way ahead of her own.
I urged her to not be too concerned and described what comes after the septic tank period: the peaks. I actually read a study that showed that men’s feelings of love and attraction peak within three months of meeting “the one,” and then level off. They may even suddenly pull back, realizing how fast they moved into the relationship.
Sadly, six to nine months into the relationship is when women tend to peak, just after the man may be moving back and even thinking of extricating himself. Mother Nature, you are such a trickster.
As I think about it, there could be another reason for Emily’s ambivalence. I should explain my watermelon theory to her.
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