Singletary: Celebrating our family’s financial rock

“The moment they start asking for stuff,” I said.

I’ve got some issues I hope not to pass on to my children. I’m obsessive about making sure all our various saving pots are full. I’m often scared to spend. Even when I’ve saved up for something, I have trouble letting go of the money. I struggle with buyer’s remorse. If I overspend on a certain category, like eating out, because I’ve been working late or running around for various activities, I’ll beat myself up for wasting money. I get concerned about having enough in retirement even though I’ve been investing faithfully over the last 30 years.

But my husband, who is also a good saver, doesn’t have the anxieties I do about our finances. When he makes a financial mistake, he learns the lesson and moves on without letting the guilt haunt him.

One of his greatest gifts to our children has been his economic equilibrium.

It’s because of his balance that our children go to him when they want to make a purchase with their own money. Last summer, our son worked as a lifeguard and wanted to spend a significant percentage of his earnings on an iPad. I freaked out and argued that it was a waste of money. He already had an iPhone (a hand-me-down from me).

So he sought advice from his father, who brought out his yellow note pad. He jots down notes and lists the pros and cons of a financial decision or any choice the children want to make.

Together, my son and my husband looked at all the various iPad models and options. They read consumer reviews. My husband listened patiently to his arguments in favor of the purchase. He encouraged our son to wait a while before buying the iPad so that it wouldn’t be an impulse buy.

In the end, my husband persuaded our son to purchase an iPad mini instead of the larger and more expensive model he originally wanted. It was a good compromise.

The way my husband handled the situation was wonderful to watch. He showed our son how to shop smart, to consider all options and, most importantly, to enjoy his purchase without remorse. He had, after all, saved for it.

There’s a growing movement to get mandatory financial literacy classes into schools, and that’s a good thing. Children and young adults need financial education — especially if they aren’t getting it at home, as many aren’t.

But the programs can’t replace good parenting. Our children need to see wise financial decision-making in practice. They need to be able to develop a responsible relationship with money, and that often results from copying their parents’ financial habits.