Storm City Roller Girls find fast friendships amid fresh bruises

The girls get used to the bruising. “So do guys who play super-aggressive sports, and nobody bats an eye,” said Dollie A. Troublemaker.

“They see women doing this and say, ‘You shouldn’t be in such a rough sport,’ ” said Darkness. “No. I am right where I’m supposed to be.”

“Your co-workers see you and go, ‘What the (bleep) happened to you?’ ” Troublemaker added. “But when you start to tell them, they go, ‘Oh (bleep), tell me more!’ ”

Bruising and bleeping appear integral to the roller derby experience. But real injuries, while not uncommon, aren’t mandatory.

“I’ve seen some pretty gnarly injuries, but that’s part of any sport. I’ve been doing it for eight years and I’ve never been injured,” said Dirty Ann Rotten with pride. “It’s competitive and you’re trying to win and you do rough each other up — but then you have beers afterwards and laugh about it.”

Want to see gnarly? Check out the autographed, helmet-shaped hole in the drywall at the Storm City Roller Girls’ rented practice space, a chilly warehouse on a side street in Hazel Dell. That’s where one skater’s head went through during a practice in 2016. The impact wasn’t as bad as the hole looks, reportedly, but during an actual match, Troublemaker suffered a concussion while her family watched from the bleachers. It took her three days to be able to do simple arithmetic again, she said. But she reminded her freaked-out, football-playing son that he, too, faces calculated risks.

Want to see gnarly, live in action? The Storm City Roller Girls will take on the Northwest Derby Company, a team based in Bremerton, at 5 p.m. Feb. 18 at the Clark County Event Center.

Jammers and blockers

How does roller derby work? Each team fields five players who roll counterclockwise around a flat track. Each team has one jammer; the rest are blockers. The jammer’s job is to speed ahead and score points by lapping members of the opposing team; blockers try to slow the rival team’s jammer — via hip checks, screens and other body-to-body tactics — while speeding their own jammer along.

That’s a simplified explanation. “The rule book is thick and super-intricate,” Troublemaker said. “It can take a year of practice to know what you’re doing.” There’s a popular saying about roller derby’s blend of mental and physical challenge, she added: It’s like playing speed chess while someone is throwing bricks at you.

Grace and macho

The grace of figure skating may not seem like a logical precursor to the rough-and-tumble of roller derby, but many of the skills — speed and agility, fancy footwork, jumping and spinning — overlap handily. Several of these women started out on the ice.

“Figure skating was the only thing I ever felt totally natural at,” said Troublemaker, and her childhood coach thought she was good enough to train for the Olympics, she said. But she didn’t pursue the dream.

She didn’t pursue roller derby invitations later on, either, because by then she had “kids and a job and a life,” she said. Troublemaker works as a high-risk labor-and-delivery nurse at Legacy Salmon Creek hospital; others members of the team are everything from carpenters and schoolteachers to hairdressers and students.

But eventually she turned up at an organizational meeting of what became the Storm City Roller Girls. What started out as “15 girls in a pizza joint” has grown into a legal nonprofit corporation with 50-plus devoted members.

In keeping with the accelerating trend of roller derby as a pastime for women growing their own sense of macho, each player assumes a badass-yet-funny nickname: Lucky Punk. Roxie Roulette. MC Slammer.

“What attracted me was all these strong women who wouldn’t normally meet, if it wasn’t for this,” said Dirty Ann Rotten. “We are strong and confident and we support each other.”

Unlike figure skating, Troublemaker said, “I don’t have to worry about looking pretty” in roller derby. But, she added, Storm City does happen to be the prettiest team around.

Challenge yourself

If you’re interested in trying out with Storm City, you’ll need to start by attending an orientation; check the website for information. Lack of experience, different abilities and unathletic body don’t matter as long as you’re female (and at least 18 years old).

“All shapes and sizes, all walks of life. Anyone can be an athlete,” said founding member Jabber Jaw.

Also unimportant are being shy, nervous and introverted; the woman called Darkness said she’s a lifelong shrinking violet who “went to a practice and saw all these badass women skating around” and decided she had to challenge herself. “I didn’t want it to pass me by.”

Also, you’ve got to pay monthly dues of $50 and buy $75 of insurance per year (through the Women’s Flat Track Derby Association) as well as the necessary equipment: skates, helmet, mouth guard, wrist guards and elbow and knee pads. And you’ve got to commit to showing up for practice at least two or three times a week.

That’s not “a hobby,” Troublemaker said. It’s a lifestyle — and a second family. Dirty Ann Rotten said her husband was compelled to learn to skate in order to keep up with her.

“It’s fun, it’s exciting, you meet interesting people, it keeps you in shape,” she said. “It’s way more fun than the gym. And it’s good anger management.”