I try to avoid the confused and bewildered state. But sometimes, there it is. Bustin’ my chops.

Take college football. Please! Say, for example, you’re a Gator fan and they have already lost three times this year. Huh?

Befuddling.

Not into sports? Fair enough. What about the rough-and-tumble world of politics? If every politician who befuddled me was thrown into Vancouver Lake, they would fill it. (Don’t worry, the lake is already polluted.)

Some of these folks feel more like Halloween characters than candidates. Boo!

Frightened yet? Don’t be. This is just the way it is. And as a public service, here’s a list of my most fun befuddlers. Prepare to be confuso.

• Janet Seekins, Democrat, who is seeking the county assessor’s office. She’s been eligible to vote for, like, 35 years, but not once did she do so. This was mainly because (dramatic pause required here) SHE NEVER REGISTERED TO VOTE!

Huh?

She’s a no-excuse kind of person, so she said she has no excuse. Well, other than she never felt an urgent need.

Huh?

An urgent need is when you’re down to your last sawbuck in Texas Hold ’em and you need pocket aces!

Voting, on the other hand, is about responsibility. She missed the boat here.

• Peter Van Nortwick, Republican, who also is seeking the county assessor’s office. Let’s see where to begin.

“Want Fair Taxes?” Really? Look, without getting into the muddy technicalities of the use of the word “fair” or the question mark after it (“Want a million bucks?”) this office has nothing to do with lowering taxes. Period.

Then there was that little divorce thing a few years ago in which — in court papers — he said he had a significant mental disability that made it difficult for him to build relationships with people.

Hey, who needs relationships with people? Besides, he’s better now.

Oh, one more thing. Yes, he’s been registered to vote — unlike his opponent — but there was that little stretch where he didn’t manage to vote.

For, like, six years! Huh?

• Denny Heck, Democrat, running for the 3rd Congressional District. I just like his slogan “Give Congress Heck,” as though he’s going to D.C. to straighten out those bums. Yeah, right. I’ve got some oceanfront property to sell ya in Battle Ground if you believe that.

What the heck?

• Jim Moeller, Democrat, running for state representative in the 49th District. Many Democrats feel the angst of voters who have said, essentially, “Get it under control.”

But Moeller, God bless him, doesn’t seem to be going there. Moeller seems to be stuck in a 1960s time warp where governmental spending was what we all got high on. But that was then. And this is now.

• Paul Harris, Republican, running for state representative in the 17th District. So there was this little matter — an oversight, of course — where he had his truck registered in Oregon even though he was living here.

You might be able to look the other way if it was a week, or maybe even a month.

But two years???!!!

Folks who live here and do this kind of thing cost the state a huge chunk of money.

Guess he didn’t feel the urgency.

• ••

Personal note: We’ll miss ya, Leo!

Lou Brancaccio is The Columbian’s editor. Reach him at 360-735-4505 or lou.brancaccio@columbian.com.

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