A cold human resources director nicknamed Big Chill.
A teacher who tells the main character the faculty bathroom is for real teachers only.
And an orange, fluffy dog named Cheese Puff.
These are some of the characters that fill the pages of Vancouver substitute teacher Carolyn Rose’s series of mystery novels. Her series, “Subbing Isn’t for Sissies,” is loosely inspired by her experience surrounded by the chaos of teenagers and rapidly shifting priorities as a frequent substitute teacher at Hudson’s Bay High School.
Don’t worry, though; no murder most foul has been committed at the west Vancouver high school.
“In no way are they to be construed as real people,” she said of her characters with a laugh, speaking from her Vancouver home. “They’re caricatures.”
Rose’s eight-book series, with titles such as “No Substitute for Murder,” “No Substitute for Motives,” and “No Substitute for Mistakes,” follows the story of Barbara Reed, a laid-off talk radio show producer who, after a divorce, loses her home and struggles to make ends meet.
Reed, who lives in the fictional Washington town of Reckless River, down on her luck and desperate for cash, turns instead to substitute teaching.
Though semi-autobiographical, Rose’s own path to substitute teaching is less eventful. There’s no messy divorce, no dire financial straits. These days, the biggest problem Rose, 70, and her husband have are the leaves piling in their yard.
Rose spent the tail end of a 27-year career in television news in the Pacific Northwest. But when that chapter of her life ended, Rose, who has a teaching degree, applied in 2001 to sub at both Evergreen and Vancouver Public Schools.
“Apparently it qualified me to teach for five years,” she said.
But things began with confusion like that of a crime scene. Rose describes her first day of subbing in a classroom that “looked not unlike the home of a hoarder.” Newspapers were stacked along walls, while tests and worksheets covered every surface.
The teacher told Rose she didn’t believe in lesson plans, leaving her to scramble to find a video — an outdated one on castle construction — to show students. It seemed to fit their Medieval history curriculum.
“That was also almost my last day of subbing,” she said.
Bolstered by supportive co-workers, however, Rose kept at it.
“No matter what goes wrong, people have my back,” she said.
As the years passed, she met some interesting characters — who later made exaggerated appearances in her book.
One of Rose’s murderers was developed after an otherwise banal conversation with a history teacher who wanted their department to work together more effectively. The interaction led to a character who derailed and committed murder when a fellow teacher refused to collaborate.
Another character was born after watching videos about Lewis and Clark in history classes. Rose invented a character who takes the history a bit too seriously, re-enacting those pioneer days and bringing lunches of meat on the bone and grilled groundhog.
“My characters are exaggerations of the people I’ve met, mixed with imagination,” she said.
Though Rose has scaled back her substitute teaching to Hudson’s Bay High School exclusively, there’s still plenty of inspiration. The ninth book in her series will be released this summer.
“It’s an amazing group of people,” Rose said. “I’m always going to come home with a story.”
Rose’s books are sold at Vintage Books at 6613 Mill Plain Blvd., Vancouver.
